Mourning the loss of a person of addiction or suicide?

My morning yesterday seemed to start as any other. I woke up and prayed, Father please let me say or do something today for someone that needs it, please use me. I was also off of work that day. It was about five minutes later that I had received a text from an upstairs neighbor that a young man that we knew was passed out on our porch step. They were talking about calling the cops but I felt that his Mom didn't deserve anymore turmoil and having the need for mercy so many times myself in my younger years, I wanted to extend that Grace to him and his Mother. I told her that I would take care of it.

I walked outside to see him sprawled on the concrete, laptop next to him, hat off of head laying where it must have rolled to. You know that you come from a dysfunctional background when something like seeing a man in this condition does not shock you and your reaction is only, get him inside and let him sleep it off. I was unable to wake him by myself enough to get him to walk inside so, I went down to get his Mother and his girlfriend. I talked to him as we were walking into the building and he reeked of alcohol and could barely speak or understand what we were saying but he was speaking and walking none the less. He was able to look at me as if to say, " who do you think you are", when I ordered him to get moving into the house after many attempts at being nice. He just seemed to be drunk, nothing more.  I stuck with them all until he was inside of his house with his Mom.

An hour later, my doorbell buzzer was ringing at a rapid pace. It was then that I saw the ambulance and fire trucks outside. My initial reaction was what is it now?! When I saw them descend down the steps towards their apartment, it hit me that what I thought was an over and done deal was not. Next were the loud screams and moans that I will never forget from his Mother. No, No. No.... I have to witnessed a few parents that have lost their children and it's always the same horrible whaling sound. The deep intense horrific moment that a parent realizes their baby is not coming back. The realization that they are unable to comfort and protect them any longer from their choices. Once I realized what had happened, I immediately began to take ownership of the situation in my mind. I was the one that did not call the cops right? Because of being around this kind of situation so often, I knew what I truly believed and what I would tell anyone else, God is in control not me. If there was an hour of difference that could have saved his life, God would have allowed things to progress in a different manner.  He would have done something like show a blog like this to me that would have been handy in my mind, to have a different choice to put in front of me as to how to proceed. No, this was his day of departing out of this world due to his choice. Sometimes God will save us from our poor choices but that is not always the case. I will never pretend to know why, I just know that what He allows, He will use for good and it will not be wasted.  It dawned on me that if I was feeling this way, the others and especially his Mother were feeling it as well. I have known this in the past because I have seen this so many times now and the outcome seems to be the same.  With loss, we want to look for  someone to blame and it typically starts with ourselves. I have consoled people from this viewpoint of knowing the standard behavior pattern but now I KNOW the feelings because I have suffered them first hand.

I am writing this message today in the hopes that this situation will be used to stop the pain and suffering of at least one more soul. To bring liberty to one that may have had the same situation happen to them and to tell you that I had prayed that God lead you here today, to tell you that:

IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT AND THERE WAS NOTHING THAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE TO STOP THIS MOMENT FROM HAPPENING.

I don't know why God allowed this to be the outcome but I do know that your loved one would never want to see you carrying the burden of their poor choice on your shoulder as your mistake. Parents, you are just as human as the rest of us and you do not have super human powers to see the future or you would have been able to stop this. Only God has these powers and you are not God. More than likely you have talked to your children time and time again about their lifestyle and warned them of what the consequences could be. Unless you are ready to get the chains out and lock them in a closet for the rest of their lives, there is nothing more you can do when someone makes their own choices despite your wisdom that you have tried to share with them. Your regrets are now wasted time and will not bring your loved one back. God is in control, not you and I am so sorry that you are hurting. May God bless you with peace and wisdom today and always.

To the person reading this that is making poor choices despite the wisdom that has been given to you, WAKE UP and realize that your choice could rip the heart out of the very people that you love. The end result could be you leaving them sitting in a sea of sadness that seems to be never ending. Is this what you want for them? Get help, reach out and if you feel that you have no one to reach out to, grab someone until you find the one that will help you. Someone will help. It's not a cool, cute or fun game that you are playing, it's real and it's final and it is forever. Whatever you are trying to cover up with your addiction or whatever problems you are trying to escape by suicide know that you are dumping all of that onto your loved ones. Take that pain inside of you and turn it into love for them and get help. Change your mind before it is too late. May God bless you with peace and wisdom today and always.

Finally, to those that find someone passed out like this, never assume it was just alcohol and call for help, don't wait. Warn your friends now that you will call the ambulance if you find them in this condition. I will never know if I could have changed this situation by calling for help. That is something that I will have to live with but I have learned a lesson from this that I intend to take with me. I fall on the Grace of God knowing that I made the decision that I thought was best to make and that is all that we can ever do. Learn from my lesson. this message is for you to take with you and never forget. May God bless us with peace and wisdom today and always.

Please pause and say a prayer for this family for they are hurting so very badly over this loss. Please say a prayer for everyone involved to find peace with whatever role they feel they have played in this tragic loss.

U.S Postal Service, they did listen !

Way to go America!!

If you are unsure what I am talking about, last year their advertisement included other holidays but left out Christmas. When I called to complain, they had said that they had received several complaints and the girl that I was speaking with on the phone told me that she agreed. Notice how the entire word Christmas is there! GREAT JOB EVERYONE AND THANK YOU TO OUR POSTAL SERVICE FOR HEARING US!

Pure Love

I was watching a video of a girl scratching the head of a baby horse. The horse was loving life and leaning in for more. Then I started thinking about how we love on animals. We pour so much love and attention into them with our hands. Back rubs, scratches, hugs. Why do we continue to do it when they can never give those things back? Lack of expectation. We don't expect anything like that from them so, when we do it, it is pure love flowing through us. They also don't have mouths to speak words that we may choose to not forgive and instead hold bitterness and resentment inside that makes it impossible for love to flow.

If we want to become more lovable, we could learn from a dog and let go of expectations, no harsh words, loyalty,forgiveness, protect, obedience. 

Dog spelled backward is God. 

ADDED 12-10-14  I have a Charles Stanley devotional that I read every day. Sometimes, I will read on to the next day as well. Today was one of those days and God used it yet again to confirm the message He had given to me yesterday. These are things to watch and listen for when He puts something on our hearts.. The little additonal confirmations that tell you that you are on the right track.. He will speak through friends, songs, nature, movies, etc. We just need to keep our ears and eyes tuned into His channel. 

If you would like to receive His devotional by physical mail, it is free and you can order it here http://www.intouch.org/magazine/daily-devotion#.VIg8pSvF-So