THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE

I am recalling a scene tonight out of the movie, Titanic. When that movie came out, I remember that I was dating someone that was very similar to to Cal Hockey. He was not as evil as they portrayed Cal to be, but he was a very controlling person and manipulative person. He made pretty good money, and social standing was quite an issue. It was always all about how you looked, what you made, and how you behaved. His family was very hard for me to be around, because I constantly had to prove myself. I did not feel accepted, in fact I felt like an idiot half of the time. There were constantly jokes about the back ground that I had come from, and the fact that we did not have money. I remember this relationship was on it's way out in my life, but I was still very much caught up in the middle of it, and feeling trapped by it emotionally. This is a scene from the movie:

Jack: Rose, you're no picnic, all right? You're a spoiled little brat, even, but under that, you're the most amazingly, astounding, wonderful girl, woman that I've ever known...
Rose: Jack, I...
Jack: No, let me try and get this out. You're ama- I'm not an idiot, I know how the world works. I've got ten bucks in my pocket, I have no-nothing to offer you and I know that. I understand. But I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump remember? I can't turn away without knowing you'll be all right... That's all I want.
Rose: Well, I'm fine... I'll be fine... really.
Jack: Really? I don't think so. They've got you trapped, Rose. And you're gonna die if you don't break free. Maybe not right away because you're strong but... sooner or later that fire that I love about you, Rose... that fire's gonna burn out...
Rose: It's not up to you to save me, Jack.
Jack: You're right... only you can do that.


I remember how I kept thinking about this scene for weeks. I felt as if I were Rose. I felt myself conforming to their ways, not because it was who I am, but because I started thinking that who I really am, is not good enough. I was so caught up in what they believed I should be, that I felt I had to squelch my true personality, and on top of that, I was ashamed of who I was, and where I came from. I felt just as Jack said, my fire was burning out. I was miserable. I had everything I wanted as far as material things from this person, but I was forced to become a person that I really did not know or resonate with. It was do as we do, or be cast out. It's something that at the time it is happening feels like a double edged sword. The false sense of security of someone that can provide for you financially, you have some fun with them, but in all reality, you have very little in common, and it will never bring you happiness. Over time, my self esteem was so run into the ground, it made it harder and harder to leave. It was like a cancer, eating me alive inside. My family loved him, my son loved him, but I knew I did not anymore. I started working at the company that I am working at today. In this time, I had grown close to a lot of my co-workers. They became a very strong support group for me. They stood by me, and pointed out that this was not a healthy relationship. I started to see things differently, and that eventually gave me the strength I needed to move on. Thank you Jesus for the people you have put in my life, at always the right time to help me.

I have to laugh now when a man makes a comment to me in regards to his financial status, and not being able to give me what they perceive to be the things I need. I know in my heart that money truly cannot buy love, and the best things in life are free, and never come in the form of money.