A NEW HEART

Eze 36:26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
Eze 36:27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
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I have been on a journey towards Christ the last five or so years of my life. The journey has been a rough and broken road to say the least. For the last couple of years, I have been praying that the Lord change my heart, heal my Faith and give me patience. I had come to a place where I felt like my heart had become hardened. My past has been riddled with heartache. My fears from this pain were beginning to form me into a person that was afraid to love and have hope. There was a lot of bitterness and resentment inside me from these past pains. I would ease the pain by going out and drinking and partying and distracting myself with Earthly pleasures. This would numb the pain for a night or a weekend, but the hangovers and regret were worse. As any addiction, it was a short lived reprieve. A false escape provided by satan no doubt. There was a void in my heart and soul that I was unable to fill. I had realized a few years ago that drinking was doing more harm for me than good. I started to get into Bible study groups, going to church, and reading my Bible with the desire to know Christ. I read my Bible almost daily for about a year even though I did not understand the passages. It was a frustrating process but I stuck with it. I was seeking the Lord. Actually, He was pursuing me. One day, I was reading a book of the Bible (Romans) that had previously caused my head to spin and aggravate me. Something was very different this day. I understood everything the passage was saying. There was a Truth to the Words that resonated with soul like none other. It was one of those AHA! moments. The chapters came to life like never before. It did not stop there. Every single book of the Bible that I was reading, started to reveal the hidden Truths that He speaks of that nothing else had ever revealed to me. I started to be more passionate about reading the Bible than anything in my life. The only problem was that while some of it was touching my heart, my thirst for knowledge of Biblical facts was becoming stronger than that of forming a relationship with Christ, and being Obedient by changing my lifestyle. It was all in my head and was not moving into my heart. I knew the promises but my past and my disobedience were still affecting my ability to believe them, and be transformed by the love of Christ. If you could peer into my heart and soul, I believe you would have seen a physical wall around my heart that it seemed nothing could penetrate. I recently experienced more pain in my heart than I had in a long time.

Heb 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

I am now realizing that this is God's way of answering my prayers for patience, a new heart and to strengthen my relationship with Christ. Being jetted out of my comfort zone, I am learning to be obedient and trust in God. In being obedient I'm seeing promises fulfilled,and the pain is somehow causing my heart to come alive a little more every day. I am being shown to see through Spiritual eyes rather than the eyes of this world. I am learning to focus on Christ, the only person that can transform me and make me into the person I am meant to be for His Kingdom. I would not have chosen the pain but God always knows the best way to answer a prayer. It usually will not come in the package that we imagined, but still a wonderful gift from our Creator. Thank you Lord for the pain for I know it is producing the Gifts of the Spirit I have longed for and transforming me into the image of Christ.

Thank you for delivering me from things of this world that will never bring me happiness.